53-year-old man constantly uses girlfriend's home to work from home, leaving her with no space: 'He’s on the phone a lot so I can’t make noise'

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• Relationships are about compromise, and you sometimes have to do things that you don't want to do for the people you love. But this has a ceiling to it. You don't want to have to give up everything just to be in a relationship with someone. You can maintain some of your own space and boundaries even though you're in a relationship. You can say that you want to spend some time apart and not have it be that big of a deal. You can tell your partner “no” and still want to be with them. That's easier said than done sometimes, though. Keep reading to see what happened here.

• Am I in the wrong? He uses my place to work from ‘home’ so I can’t use my house

  My (45F) boyfriend (53M) stays with me Fri, Sat and Sunday nights - he’s supposed to be an on the road sales manager but he camps out in my dining room Mon morning 8am-1pm and often Tuesday mornings too if he stays Monday night as well to work from home and do reports and quotes but I feel like I can’t use my home for watching TV, making food in the kitchen or just relaxing as he’s sat right in the middle of the house! He’s on the phone a lot so I can’t make noise. The lounge, kitchen and dining areas are all open plan. Small trailer home, btw.

  -uTheLemonChiffonPie

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• My choices are either to sit out on the decking (which in Uk has limited usage due to weather) or watch TV in bed so I don’t disturb him. This is my house and I pay a lot out of my limited funds for it. Would it be wrong to ask him to use the decking or the bedroom so I can use my house? I don’t sleep well (I’m medically retired with MS) so I’ve usually been awake for a few hours but don’t actually get out of bed until he does as I’m trying not to disturb his sleep. I just wanna chill and watch a morning film and eat my breakfast in peace when he gets up at 8am and I can finally get up.

• The reason I’m asking is that he does a lot of maintenance on my house and my car, we have a good relationship otherwise but he can be very myopic when it comes to the consequences to others of his decisions/actions - would I be be the AH for asking or should I be more sympathetic?

  Edit: he doesn’t know he’s being a nuisance….

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• Awkward_Profile_7410

  NTA he needs to find a different place to work. You can’t be a prisoner in your own home.

• ponpiriri

  Sympathetic for what? Is he homeless? 

  "he can be very myopic when it comes to the consequences to others of his decisions/actions"

  How good is this relationship and does that explain why you're so hesitant to assert yourself around him?

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• Fit_General7058

  He needs to go home after the weekend.

  You need to alternate a weekend at yours a weekend at his.

  He's living with and using utilities and paying nothing. He's also cramping your freedom in your home

• Nervous_Revenue_9331

  Tell him if he needs to work midweek he has to use the bedroom as you arent a prisoner in your own house?

  NTA

• laurcore2

  If he's a good bf but just a bit ignorant of his impact then tell him how you feel and why you are asking for him to work in another room. He probably hasn't realized how much you've been tiptoeing around to avoid disturbing his sleep and work. He should be accommodating of your needs too. I'm sure there's a livable compromise for you both. But never expressing it and growing resentment won't help your relationship at all.

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